Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Boobs are out for the taking
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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