I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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