Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
