just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
