Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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