They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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