allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
