I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
