just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
