when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
