my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
