had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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