New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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