I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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