Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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