i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
