Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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