Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
