Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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