I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
