i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
