2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
