im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was confusing and full of hummus
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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