Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
