once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
