Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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