so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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