he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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