there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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