I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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