Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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