I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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