Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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