Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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