also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
