absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
