And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Randomize
