jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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