great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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