you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
