You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
