I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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