I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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