But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
