even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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