I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
