I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
