i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
