I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everclear isn't food dammit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
