No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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