Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
