just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
