Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
